Fat Butts

Flabby Abs and Saggy boobs. Such is the state of things around the house these days and there just doesn't seem to be a thing I can do about it. As noted in my profile, I've got 3 wonderful kids-and all of them are against me. Thing 1, my 7 year old, is an amazingly intelligent child who has an immense creative capacity that, while beautiful and awe-inspiring, in reality boils down to her needing a full-time personal assistant just to make sure she can actually mentally reside here on planet Earth long enough to remember to pick up the cyclone of clothing she's left behind, finish the homework 1/2 done because something else caught her eye, clean up the bakery's worth of crumbs she leaves behind that put Hansel and Gretel to shame, and provide her with band-aids and ice packs for the inevitable results of her "experiments" with the laws of gravity. The next enemy to my Jennifer Anistonesque physique is Thing 2, my almost 5 year old. She is tiny, quiet, painfully shy around strangers and for the most part very very sweet and thoughtful. It is the rest of the part that is about to do me in-she has a temper that rivals a rabid muskrat and goes from nice to volcanic in a nano second. This usually results in things being thrown, broken, smacked, screamed, and even, on occasion, thrown-up on. (I will not say who is doing those things, just know that they happen and we will not discuss it further) Her little "moments" require vast amounts parental fortitude and cleverness to diffuse. I am not always so much with that, given the negative balance of my sleep account. Which brings me to Thing 3. Thing 3 is the newest Thing on the block. She is not quite 4 months old and very cute and sweet, a wonderful baby, really-as long as you hold her about 15 hours of each day. Not to say that she is fussy because she truly is not-as long as you are holding her. Did I mention that?

Things 1, 2, and 3 are really the most amazing blessings I could ask for, but they do a great job of eating up any time I may have for exercise or thoughtful, nutritious eating-let alone knitting!! And given the choice, if I do have any extra time, I'd rather spend it knitting than exercising-duh, wouldn't you? A Lady of Leisure, plump on her cushy sofa, knitting away like the olden days. In fact, "there are moments in history, such as we see in the works of Rubens, or Renoir, when a bloated figure was seen as desirable. Yet unlike today such mass was not seen as a sign of ill health. To the contrary, in these times before the discovery of saturated fats, trans-fatty acids and heart disease, such plumpness was seen as a sign of wealth and good health."

Hmmmm...desirable, eh? I've even read that it was a symbol of nobility if you were plump and fair and had servants to do your work for you. Well then, throw in some dry skin and stubbly legs and I could be the next Queen of England! Pass me some yarn....and a roomy pair of sweat pants.